Funny. Queer. A little gory. Goth all the way. Packed with magical mishaps, murder and a curse (?). An Amateur Witch’s Guide to Murder by K. Valentin is a read you didn’t know you were looking for but should be in the tarot cards.
“Is it bad that he’s narrowed his life choices to the same ones as Dracula?”
BLURB:
Mateo Borrero has 99 problems-and all of them hinge on his missing bruja mother and the demon she trapped inside his body.
Mateo’s mother forbade him from ever using magic, but now that she’s gone, magic’s his only marketable skill, and he’d really like an exorcism-which costs money he doesn’t have. What’s the harm in making a quick buck by calling himself an Occult Specialist and chanting a few half-remembered spells in his crappy Spanish?
Enter Topher, a naive nepo baby with a curse that keeps killing people around him. Most importantly, he’s rich and too clueless to clock that Mateo-and his (absolutely-not-the-assistant) astral projecting best friend Ophelia-have never actually had a client before. Lifting Topher’s bad luck curse should be simple, but as luck would have it, nothing is simple, and Topher-who Mateo sort of, kind of likes-might be at the center of a deadly magical conspiracy.
To make matters worse, the more magic Mateo does, the stronger the demon inside him grows and the more he wants to eat people. But would caving to the urges of an ancient evil really be that bad if it helps him get a payday?
REVIEW:
My favourite way to go into reading something new is to have very little expectations, knowing as little as possible about it. Whilst I knew a bit about this book from the buzz online, none of it could prepare me for just how utterly fun and exciting it was to read. From page one the tone is set, and you know you’re in for a story that is going to be unlike any other witchy novel.
“He’s lived for over two decades since she locked something inside of him. Which has to be the worst world record to hold.”
Mateo, goth with great style and blunt in his humour, is a witch with a hell of a secret – namely a demon that has well and truly become a part of him. He knows a lot but is also equally clueless. His life is a complex and difficult one, abandoned by his mother five years ago, living undocumented in the US and trying to make enough money to get by. So, when Topher shows up offering money (a lot of money) to help get rid of his curse, well it’s easy to see why Mateo jumps at the opportunity. The scenes where the demon takes over Mateo were such a contrast to his usual self and personality and yet, an extension of him. Those moments were more gory, with a bit of body horror (the finger…the cannibalism…), and had me going “OH MY GOD” quite a few times. In a good way, I promise.
Topher is a clumsy, adorable cinnamon roll mess who leaves a wake of cursed destruction around him… but as we learn not everything is as it seems. A rich kid who’s got awful anxiety (his own shadow could scare him), the phrase “stunned mullet” comes to mind in so many scenes where he is clearly overwhelmed by the events occurring around him. And yet when it matters most, he’s there for Mateo, putting others before himself. You can’t help but love him. His life is like one big tele-drama.
“Ophelia De La Garza, come back to me, or I’ll throw away your disgusting chips.”
And how could you not adore Ophelia and her unusual ways. She’s got so much heart even if she can rub people the wrong way. She’s otherworldly, unabashedly her own person, who doesn’t care about social etiquette and politeness if it’s getting in the way of their investigation into Topher’s curse. Her backstory however, with her family’s deaths, is truly a tragic one.
I was really pleasantly surprised by the twists and turns the book took in the second half, with stunning reveals I did not see coming, but could see the seeds planted earlier on. The book was quite simply clever. And fun. I really cannot understate how fun reading An Amateur Witch’s Guide to Murder was. And you don’t get to experience that all too often.
The end of the novel wraps up neatly, but with enough left unanswered that despite being a complete story, leaves a door open for something else in future. And I hope we get it – after all, we never do find out what happened to Mateo’s mum. What else is there to say other than this is a sharply written novel that will leave your hunger for witchcraft (and blood) well satisfied.
Until next time,
Rating: 5 Stars
Genre: Paranormal – Queer Romance